Why won't your cat let you pick him up?

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I have been asked by one of my readers to cover a topic I have noticed, but probably wouldn't have thought about writing about. I even experience it with my own two cats. One tolerates me picking him up and giving him attention, but the other one will move away if I make a move to pick her up. The question is, why?

Here is the message that I had gotten, and I will try to answer the question, based on observation, research and asking my vet.

"I rescue and foster cats for Forever Feline Friends in Laingsburg, MI. I have 6 kitties of my own and 3 fosters right now. I just rescued Icy from Animal Control about 2 months ago and she is one I'm keeping. She is the sweetest kitty, but when I walk up to her, she runs away. I can never just go and pick her up. But, when I'm in bed, she jumps right up, comes over to me, rolls around, wants to be petted, will shove her face in my hand and roll over and let me pet her belly. She will jump up on the Lazy Boy while I'm watching TV and get in my lap. She purrs like crazy. I can't understand why she runs from me all other times. I have 2 other cats just like that, that I've had for over 6 years. One of those cats sleeps on my back every night, loves to be brushed if she's in her kitty tree and she also jumps up on the chair with me. She rolls all over like she's in heaven when I pet or brush her then. But I can never walk up to her or she will run. Got any ideas?"

The conclusion that I have basically come to is that at some point, some cats come to associate someone picking them up or coming after them with a traumatic experience. And, from what I have read, it is often small children that have been the cause. Because your cats are rescue cats, we can't know what their background was, so lets look at what might have happened.

When cats are picked up by people, they want to feel supported. You should always support the cat under the hindquarters and under the chest. If a cat is carried by a child, they will often just wrap their arms around the cats chest behind the front legs with the hind legs dangling, which is not a position most cats would appreciate. They may also have been pursued and petted roughly, hugged too hard or abused in some other way. Therefore, they run when reached for. Another clue might be that one of your cats will let you approach them when they are on her kitty tree. Is she higher than young hands could normally reach?

But as you can see, they still like attention if it is on their terms. It is not that they do not trust you, it is just that their learned behavior overrides their love for you. They still love to get attention from you, and have you brush and pet them. They are willing to surrender themselves to you completely by exposing their bellies to you. It just has to be done their way, which is very cat like!

Breaking them of the behavior of running away can be a long road. Start with very short trips after picking them up. When they are in bed with you, pick them up and set them on your stomach and then reward them with lots of attention. You can also do this while sitting on the floor and picking up the cat and placing them in your lap. Another thing to do is to reach down for them but not pick them up. Either just give them a quick petting, or offer them a treat. After a few days of this, you should be able to pick them up, once again for the short trip. This may set back some of the earlier training, so you may need to back up again, but very slowly you should be able to get your cat to accept you reaching for them and picking them up. It will just take a lot of time and patience!

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